| Valentine's Day can be a depressing day when you're | | | | confidence attract others and engender respect, |
| in an unhappy or shaky marriage. In every store or | | | | making you a more desirable partner. |
| advertisement you see romantic cards, heart-shaped | | | | 4. Accept uncertainty and see it as an opportunity to |
| boxes of candy, or select jewelry for the special | | | | flex your faith muscles, build resiliency, and develop |
| lover's day. | | | | the discipline to live in the present moment as much |
| Restaurants publish their special menus in advance | | | | as possible. With practice, you can learn to curb your |
| and give food items names such as "lover's delight | | | | tendency to worry about the future and can expand |
| chocolate dessert." Radio stations sponsor contests | | | | more of your energy into making the most of the |
| focused around the theme of Valentine's Day, and | | | | time you have now. Everyone has periods of time |
| newspapers run pictures and stories about spouses | | | | when everything is up in the air and how things will |
| with long marriages. Everywhere you turn, you are | | | | turn out is unknown. And as poet Walt Whitman |
| bombarded with pictures and stories of happy lovers. | | | | reminds us, "The future is no more uncertain than the |
| What can you do to survive Valentine's Day when | | | | present." |
| you are worried sick that your marriage is on the | | | | 5. Practice having fun, even when you're feeling |
| rocks? How do you deal with all the love hoopla | | | | miserable! Don't wait until your life is perfect to plan |
| when your spouse doesn't know if he or she really | | | | fun activities. Do something that you've wanted to |
| loves you or wants to stay married? | | | | do but have put off. You might have said to |
| The following seven tips will help you to keep your | | | | yourself, "One day I'm going to take piano lessons." |
| perspective and sanity: | | | | Now is the time to get started. Make a list of things |
| 1. Be your own valentine this year and celebrate the | | | | that you'd enjoy doing and pick one to put on your |
| wonderful person that you are. Make an appointment | | | | schedule. One of the biggest mistakes you can make |
| to have a massage or pedicure on Valentine's Day as | | | | is to wait and see what happens in your marriage |
| a present to yourself. Or make plans with a friend to | | | | before you take steps to create a more satisfying |
| dine at a gourmet restaurant either on Valentine's | | | | life. The time to start enjoying life is now. |
| Day or the day before. Buy yourself a new CD or | | | | 6. Expand your support circle. Stay in touch with your |
| book that you've been wanting. Leave work early, if | | | | friends, even though your first impulse may be to |
| possible, and do something fun such as going to a | | | | withdraw when you're feeling blue. Look for ways to |
| movie in the middle of the work afternoon. | | | | increase your contact with others such as taking a |
| 2. Make a commitment to love yourself and to treat | | | | night class, going hiking with a local hiking group, or |
| yourself with care and respect. Resolve to take good | | | | attending services at your church, synagogue, or |
| care of yourself by exercising, eating right, taking | | | | mosque. Don't let fear of questions keep you at |
| time to relax and see friends, and getting enough | | | | home. You can be discrete and give a response such |
| rest. Throw any martyr tendencies out the window | | | | as, "I can't get into it, but I appreciate your caring |
| and make your health and wellbeing a top priority. | | | | and concern so very much. Thank you." |
| This is not being selfish. If you don't nurture yourself | | | | 7. Find your strong woman or strong man |
| first, you won't be in any shape to give quality | | | | warriorenergy. Go rappelling, learn to scuba dive, ride |
| energy and time to your marriage. | | | | in a hot air balloon, try para-sailing, plan a backpacking |
| 3. Commit to being okay no matter what happens in | | | | trip, go horseback riding, lift weights, explore river |
| your marriage. It's essential that you make yourself a | | | | rafting, dance around a campfire, sing powerful |
| promise that you'll have a quality life with or without | | | | songs, or sign up for a martial arts class. Do |
| your spouse. By showing respect for yourself and | | | | whatever empowers you and make you feel strong |
| belief in your ability to thrive whether married or not, | | | | and energetic. Stretch out of your comfort zone and |
| you'll be coming from a place of empowerment and | | | | surprise yourself by doing something different. Then |
| strength. The attributes of personal strength and | | | | congratulate yourself for your spunk. |