| Dear Tonja,I need some dating advice. I am a | | | | You deserve someone wonderful. You deserve a |
| 57-year-old woman and the guy I am seeing is 60. He | | | | man you are attracted to who shares your values, |
| just got out of divorce number four. He is wealthy | | | | and who is loyal, tender, kind, and accomplished. If |
| and has moved a 35-year-old into his house as his | | | | you do not feel you deserve such a man, look for a |
| girlfriend. I live in another city and he says he wants | | | | counselor or a coach.*Age. Women are sensitive |
| both of us in his life. He is older than her mother or | | | | about age. We are acutely aware that men can and |
| her father. Is there something wrong with | | | | often do choose younger women for mates. |
| him?Signed, | | | | However, not ALL men choose someone younger, |
| Terribly HurtDear Hurt,You are not alone in your pain. | | | | and for those men who are only looking for youth, |
| As improbable as it sounds, we can all find ourselves | | | | you don't want them. Breeze on by this type of |
| in this same predicament. We can get cornered and | | | | person. Focus on what you can do, on whom you |
| think we have few or no choices. We think there is | | | | can find, and let go of what is never going to |
| only one job or one school or one house for us. In | | | | be.*Role Models. Somewhere, you absorbed a role |
| your case...it's this one man. You can't see your | | | | model and a belief that says men are in charge of |
| options or your opportunities and therefore, look to | | | | your life and your happiness. The reality is, you can |
| see what is wrong with him, as if he would or could | | | | be in charge of your destiny if you shift this |
| change his behavior for you.Let's look at what you | | | | thought.*Choices. If you felt you had more choices in |
| are saying:DenialYou think you are in love with a man | | | | men, would you want this man in your life? When we |
| who has another much younger woman living with | | | | shrink our life down to zero possibilities, we obsess |
| him? First, your relationship is not mutual. If you | | | | over trying to make something work with someone |
| accept this arrangement, you are acting more like a | | | | unsuitable. A perceived lack of choices can make you |
| mother to him than as an equal. And why would you | | | | hold on.Why cling to a relationship that makes you |
| want to be with someone who treats you so | | | | feel bad when there is a world of opportunity waiting |
| badly?DeceptionObviously, this man has been | | | | for you? You can't get boxed into a corner thinking |
| deceiving you, to string you along as if you matter to | | | | you only have one hand to play. As the old song |
| him and then to live with someone else. You are | | | | goes..."You gotta know when to hold 'em, and know |
| deceiving yourself if you think he can care about you | | | | when to fold 'em..."You can do it.TonjaVisit or for |
| in any deep abiding way. What is it you want from | | | | more tips, skills, and insight on dating, relationships, |
| him? Do you look for a committed relationship with | | | | singles, and love. Subscribe to our F*ree Savvy |
| him when he shows you he cannot give you loyalty | | | | Dating Newsletter from master single's coach, life |
| and exclusiveness?Self-worthYour relationship with | | | | coach, and syndicated columnist, Tonja Weimer. |
| yourself is what I call D.A.R.C. This is an acronym for | | | | Copyright 2006, Tonja Weimer. (Please note source if |
| the following:*Deserving. You are acting like you don't | | | | reprinting this article. |
| deserve a great love in your life who loves you back. | | | | |